


Shaking Off the Sadness

by hakaseheart



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Depression, Multi, OT4, Seasonal Affective Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hakaseheart/pseuds/hakaseheart
Summary: There's just something about winter.





	Shaking Off the Sadness

The auxiliary dining room in the citadel was much smaller than Noctis was used to, but he liked it anyway. Not only was it warmer – which was vastly appreciated during these cold winter months – but the table didn't stretch quite as long, there weren't as many chairs, and – most importantly – it was really just him and Ignis in there together.

At least, Ignis was about to be there. Noctis fidgeted in his seat, fighting back the urge to pull out his phone and tap away at a game while he waited. It was already the third day in their test week of seeing if Ignis could properly cook for Noctis if needed, if the prince was indeed allowed to live outside the citadel while attending high school. The first two days had gone well, and at this point he was pretty sure it was all just formalities.

Of course Ignis could cook. This wasn't even a question he was willing to entertain.

The first night had been roasted ribs and mashed garlic potatoes, with a side of broccoli that Noctis had eaten three pieces of before skillfully hiding the rest in a nearby potted plant. The second night was a pasta dish filled with meat and cheese so delicious that Noctis barely even noticed the green vegetables until Ignis had pointed them out.

Tonight, Noctis noted as Ignis entered the room, looked to be some kind of rice dish. He inhaled deeply and grinned as he recognized the scent of curry spice hanging in the air. Noctis was so focused on the dish that he didn't even see the tremor in Ignis' hands as the dish was placed in front of him.

“My sincerest apologies for the delay,” Ignis apologized, his voice oddly flat.

Noctis nodded and grabbed his spoon. “It smells great, Specs.” He took a huge spoonful of the curry and rice and shoveled it into his mouth, savoring the taste even as Ignis talked on.

“I'm afraid it's a little on the runny side. It was a new type of curry and I believe I added too much water, but I didn't want to boil it down further and risk-”

Ignis' voice cut off and Noctis almost forgot to chew. It was such an odd thing to hear that he looked up immediately to see the older teen twisting his hands together so harshly that his knuckles were turning white. He hurried to finish chewing and swallow so he didn't choke. “Hey, what's wro-”

“Nothing!” Ignis blurted out, which wasn't something Noctis thought Ignis was even capable of doing. “Nothing's wrong. It's fine.” There was a heavy, awkward pause as Ignis looked at Noctis with a smile that wasn't entirely present. “I'm glad you like it.”

Noctis had already half-climbed out of his seat, but the odd look on Ignis' face made him slowly lower himself back down again. “Yeah, I do.” Keeping a careful eye on his future-advisor, he took another bite and made sure he looked like his was properly enjoying it. “Everything you make is great, Specs.”

The weird smile flashed again for a moment before disappearing. “You flatter me, Noctis.” Ignis leaned forward in a stiff bow, moving his eyes towards the floor. “I'd like to go back and clean up after the preparations. By your leave?”

Caught completely off-guard, Noctis could only manage to swallow his next bite and nod. “Yeah, that's fine.”

Then, before Ignis could finish bolting out the door, Noctis jumped up from his seat and called after him. “Tomorrow night, same time?” It was already scheduled, Noctis knew, and it wasn't like it was going to be canceled. But something in his gut told him he needed to check. Just in case.

Sure enough, Ignis froze in the doorway, and Noctis had a flash of worry that it had been too weird to ask. But then he saw the tiniest bit of tension melt from Ignis' shoulders, and maybe even a bit of a genuine smile creep onto his face.

“Of course. I...already have the menu planned.”

Satisfied, Noctis settled back into his seat. “Good. I can't wait to try it.”

Ignis left, and Noctis went back to his meal. Somehow, the next spoonful of curry tasted even better.

~

Usually, when Noctis finished a training session with Gladio, Ignis would be waiting with a towel, a bottle of water, and a ride back to his apartment halfway across town. So it was a rare event to stumble out of the training room only to find that Ignis was still hard at work in his office in the next wing over.

It wasn't the first time, though, so Noctis took his time to stretch properly before starting the walk. He'd learned before how pointless it was to text Ignis when he was hyper-focused on his work. Part of him wanted to give his advisor some grief for forgetting the time, but he was also old enough now to understand how much work Ignis undertook on a daily basis. And if Ignis wasn't the one doing the work, then it'd fall to Noctis, and he didn't want to be so rude as to not appreciate it.

At least, not always.

He took a swing by a water fountain, and paused by a window to admire the night sky with the moon shining through the clouds. The moonlight splashed across the freshly-fallen snow in the courtyard, twinkling in a way he found to be entirely pleasing. When he finally arrived at Ignis' office door, he found it partially ajar with light streaming out and onto the citadel hall floor.

Noctis stood by the doorway for nearly a full minute, giving Ignis plenty of time to notice him and say something. When that didn't happen, he sighed and pushed the door open enough to slide smoothly into the room. “Late night, Specs?”

The sound that Ignis made as he looked up in utter shock was a new one, Noctis noted. The older teen's hair was just slightly mussed, and the stack of paperwork in his inbox far exceeded the stack in the 'finished' pile. The rubbish bin in the corner was actually overflowing with crumpled paper, and suddenly Noctis felt guilty for his cavalier attitude. He bit back a wince and ran a nervous hand through his hair instead. “You, uh...everything okay?”

“I...” Ignis looked at him for a moment, his eyes refocusing on him before he glanced at the clock and his face paled. “ _Astrals_ , I'm so terribly sorry, Noctis, I've completely lost track of the time.” He stood up and nearly knocked his chair over in his haste. “Please give me just a moment to deliver some paperwork before we leave? It needs to be there in the morning or everything will be even more of a hassle next week.”

Blinking in surprise, Noctis nodded. “Yeah, of course. Uh, take your time.”

“You have my thanks,” Ignis said in a tone of voice that was wholly genuine and yet hollow at the same time. His hands flew around the desk, gathering papers from the 'finished' bin before shuffling them into a neat stack and giving Noctis a brief nod as he bustled out into the hall.

Frowning to himself, Noctis couldn't keep himself from sliding around to the other side of the desk and looking at what Ignis had been working on when he'd walked in. It seemed to just be some notes, and Noctis wondered if they might be from one of the meetings that had happened earlier in the day.

It took him a few seconds of befuddled staring before he recognized the scribbled words – Ignis scribbled? – as Ancient Lucian, a language Ignis had been trying to teach Noctis for roughly three years now. He always said it would be best if Noctis could read the original kingdom documents himself, instead of relying on a translator. Noctis had picked up roughly a hundred words before losing all motivation to the newest shoot-em-up game release.

His proficiency wasn't the best, of course. But Noctis recognized enough to see the pattern of a single phrase, written over and over again. The self-referential pronoun, and the negative modifier, and something that was about 'worth'.

Noctis felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach as he heard Ignis' Altissian heels click against the hallway tile, and he pulled himself away from the desk just as Ignis re-entered the room, papers successfully delivered. “Again, my apologies for the delay. Let me grab my coat and keys and we can be off.”

“Yeah, no problem, really...” Noctis let his words trail off, and they stayed together in companionable silence as they walked through the citadel to the parking garage. They were nearly a dozen paces from Ignis' car before Noctis figured out what he wanted to say.

“Hey, Specs? Can we, uh...pick up those Ancient Lucian lessons again? I think I'm ready for more.”

Ignis paused for a moment as he pulled his keys from his pocket, puzzlement evident on his face. “Why, of course.” He blinked at Noctis, as though he'd forgotten entirely where he was at that point in time. “I thought you'd lost interest...?”

The car beeped as the doors unlocked, and Noctis shrugged as he walked over to the rear passenger door and pulled it open. “I think I found it again.”

~

It wasn't often that Noctis was actively dedicated to studying, and yet it was when he was doing exactly that when Gladio wanted to come and rant at him for nearly half an hour straight. His test on modern Lucian history was in the morning and he knew that he had to get at least an 80 or Ignis would probably strangle him in his sleep. So he read, and he studied, and he tuned out pretty much all of what Gladio was saying because it didn't really seem that important.

Gladio seemed to accept this for the most part, and when he was done he settled down on the other end of the couch with his head in his hands. Noctis had just finished up a chapter and actually paid attention for a moment, to be polite.

“So. I don't know what to do. He's not texting back. Does he hate me?”

Noctis gave him a skeptical look as he folded his book forward onto his chest. “Who, Ignis?”

Gladio stared. “Yeah, Iggy. Have you been listening?”

“Eh.” Noctis scooted back against the arm of the couch so he could sit up a bit better. It gave him a better view of the window, and the snow-covered city stretching beyond it. The sun was just starting to set, casting the cityscape into a dull contrast capped by a gray, cloudy sky. “What happened, you ditched him?”

Groaning, Gladio leaned back against the back of the couch. “I told you, it wasn't ditching, Dad called and needed-”

Noctis nodded to himself as he put his book down and reached for his notebook. “Right. Ditched.”

“Still!” Gladio's frustrated grunt was towards Noctis as much as it was towards Ignis. “I've apologized like, a dozen times. And he's just...brushed it all off. Won't even meet up with me.” As if to illustrate the point, he pulled his phone from his pocket and checked his messages with another strangled noise. “' _I'm too busy, please make plans without me._ ' And ' _Don't bother yourself with me tonight._ ' For a solid week now, for fuck's sake.”

Shrugging, Noctis flipped his notebook open to the halfway-point in his notes. His first year of high school had been rough, but he'd buckled down and learned how to take notes properly for his second year. Hopefully it was enough effort to get through the one year he had left. “He doesn't hate you,” he pointed out as he found his previous stopping point. “Just ask him out.”

The roll of Gladio's eyes was nearly audible. “Iggy isn't the kind of guy to hold a grudge over this kind of thing. Why can't I wait for him to ask first?”

“Because he won't.” The words hung in the air as Noctis sighed and folded his notebook down, accepting he'd have to take a break for at least a few minutes. “He's stuck in his head, alright? Just...ask him out. Hell, just show up and _take_ him out. Don't give him a choice. He'll come around.”

Gladio leaned forward, bracing himself against his knees as he stared at Noctis with incredulity. “You serious? You really think so?”

“I know so.” Noctis put his notebook down on the floor and swung his legs down off the cushion. “Trust me on this one. I know the guy.”

“Yeah, but-” Gladio muttered as Noctis stood up and stretched. “I mean. He's not like that. Not the Iggy I know.”

Noctis nodded. “Yeah, not usually. But...” He looked out the window again as the sky darkened further, pulling the city with it into a portrait of grays. “There's just something about winter.”

They stayed in silence for another minute or so, as Noctis walked over to his kitchen and pulled the fridge open to fix himself a snack. He had just pulled a soda from the door when Gladio stood up and pulled out his phone to check the time.

“He's got office hours tonight, right?”

Noctis nodded as he grabbed a bag of chips. “Yeah. 'Til at least nine.”

Shoving his phone back in his pocket, Gladio stalked to the door and grabbed his coat. “You better be right about this.”

The door fell shut behind Gladio as he left, and Noctis looked over to his pile of books on the floor by the couch. “Well, gotta be right about _something_ , I guess.”

~

“Pizza and video games, yeah, baby!”

Noctis echoed Prompto's cheer as the two of them burst into Noctis' apartment and nearly spilled their purchases across the foyer. The two of them had pooled their pocket money for the week and splurged with a run to their favorite convenience store for all sorts of snack food and goodies. Sure, it was an evening they ought to be studying for their upcoming third-year finals, but Noctis had decided that could wait. They'd only be young once, after all.

They kicked off their slush-covered shoes and dumped the bags by the television set, and Prompto darted off to claim the bathroom first while Noctis taunted him for having a tiny bladder. He got a rude gesture in reply and laughed it off as he plopped himself down on the couch.

The heat in his apartment kicked on a moment later, and he hummed leisurely to himself as he got comfortable. “Hey, Prom?” he yelled after another minute.

“What?” Prompto's shout was muffled by a door, a wall, and running water, but Noctis could still hear him well enough to continue.

“What do you want on the pizza?” He pulled out his phone and started tapping away, realizing after a moment that apparently the pizza place had replaced their app and he'd have to download a new one. “Same as always?”

Prompto emerged from the bathroom a moment later, still drying his hands on his pants. “I dunno, I'm thinking something crazy. Fruit?” He flopped himself on the opposite end of the couch, half-draped across Noctis. “Oh, I know! Teriyaki chicken!”

Laughing, Noctis dropped his phone and reached for Prompto's closest foot. “Dude, teriyaki on pizza? What are you smoking?” The shriek Prompto made as Noctis attacked the sole of his foot almost – but not entirely – covered up the sound of the door opening and closing swiftly as Ignis entered the apartment.

“Ah.” Ignis' awkward greeting was followed by him clearing his throat as he watched the two teenagers struggle through their tickle war on the couch. “I see you're entertaining.”

“H-hey, Specs,” Noctis called out as he yanked his own foot from Prompto's grasp. “What's up?” He struggled to sit up enough to see his advisor properly, grabbing Prompto and pulling him into a headlock when the blond refused to calm down. “Didn't know if you were coming by today.”

Ignis visibly bit his lip, glancing down at his feet for a moment as if debating whether or not to remove his slightly-slushy shoes. “I thought I might...check up on you,” he said after a long pause. The strain in his voice caught Noctis' attention, however, and the prince eyed him thoughtfully even as Prompto broke free of his weakened headlock.

“Hey Iggy!” Prompto piped up cheerily, oblivious to the unspoken exchange between the other two. “You sticking around tonight?”

There was only a second of strange silence as Ignis tugged at one end of his scarf. “N-no, I don't believe so, sorry to have-”

“Hey, Specs.” Noctis' voice cut loud through the middle of Ignis' sentence. “Make us dinner tonight.”

Prompto gave a small cry of surprise, which only earned him Noctis' sudden ire and attention. “But I thought we were gonna or-” His sentence was also brutally murdered as Noctis' well-placed fingers went straight for the blond's armpits. He ended up giving off an ear-splitting shriek and curled in on himself to try and protect his weakest points from the prince's assault.

The request, however, took Ignis by surprise. “I, I suppose I could, if you haven't eaten yet...”

“We haven't.” Leaning forward to give Prompto the most caring of playful noogies, Noctis looked up to give Ignis a lopsided grin. “So I wanna see what you can make from what's already in the fridge.”

Sighing, Ignis shed his shoes and stepped purposefully into the kitchen. “It's not as though your kitchen is entirely barren,” he chided Noctis with a hint of affection in his voice. “Unless you've taken to eating raw root vegetables whenever you have a midnight snack.”

Laughing, Noctis laid back down on the couch and propped his feet up on Prompto's still-whimpering back. “You wish, Specs.” He grinned at the kitchen, and even if he couldn't see Ignis' face, he felt better for it anyway. “You wish.”

~

The sun was just beginning to set as the four men stumbled onto the glowing runes of Capitis Haven. A crisp breeze blew through the Vesperpool and they all shivered as Gladio dumped the tent supplies in a loud, clanging pile on the rock.

“Maybe I shoulda waited to wash off until after I set this up,” Gladio grumbled loudly as he picked through the tent poles. “But y'know what? I don't regret it.”

Prompto grabbed the bag of stakes and handed them to Gladio one at a time as the shield began to hammer them into the floor of the haven. “Dude, we were down there for what, two days? Three?” He looked at Ignis helplessly as the advisor began to build his kitchen.

“Entirely too long,” Ignis supplied, before popping open the lid of his stove and effectively ending the conversation. Gladio and Prompto continued to whine between themselves as they set up the tent, while Noctis sidled over beside Ignis and lamely busied himself with setting up the lantern.

“Hey, Specs,” he asked quietly, keeping his voice behind the wall of the stovetop. “You okay?”

Ignis paused in the middle of ascertaining their ingredients for dinner that evening. “I am, in all actuality,” he replied with a small amount of surprise in his voice. “Perhaps a bit the worse for wear, but nowhere near as poor as I could be.”

Nodding, Noctis hung the lantern on the hook and began to look around for the matches. “It was just, y'know...dark in there, so I, uh, just wanted to...check, I guess.”

His lips betraying the hint of a smile, Ignis stood and placed a warm hand on Noctis' shoulder. “You needn't pretend with me, Noct.” The prince had the grace too look slightly sheepish and Ignis finally let the gentle smile show. “You've always been admirable when it comes to me and my moodiness, and I want you to know it has not gone unnoticed.”

Noctis fumbled the matchbox as he tried to keep an even keel. “I just worried sometimes. You got...kinda bad.”

“Indeed.” Ignis removed his hand to adjust his glasses before kneeling and rooting through the cooler once more. “I am thankful to have kept the worst bouts within my own quarters, at the least, but I was aware of your knowledge of them nonetheless.” He opened a package and sniffed the contents for freshness. “The Ancient Lucian lessons were a dead giveaway, for what it's worth.”

Flushing, Noctis hurriedly lit the lantern and looked away as the gas flared brightly in front of him. “I didn't know what I was gonna see when I saw that, you know. It was an accident.”

Ignis nodded as he stood, chosen ingredients gathered in his arms. “Not to worry, Noct. I strongly doubted you would have gone through any amount of Ancient Lucian with a specific intent.” He ignored Noctis' scoffing as he sorted the ingredients out on his table and then paused, gaze stuck down towards the ground. “I...am so sorry you saw that, Noctis. It was an ugly moment of weakness, and not one you should have had to see. You have my...humblest apologies that-”

He was interrupted by Noctis' fingers suddenly threading with his, and it snapped his gaze up and back towards his prince. “Why didn't you ever get any help for it?” Noctis asked bluntly, his cheeks still flushed from the frank conversation they were having. “You could've had the best help in the entire city. In the country, if you needed it.”

“Of course I could have,” Ignis replied immediately as he gave Noctis' hand a gentle squeeze. Then his mouth set into a hard line despite the cheer crinkling the corners of his eyes. “And then somebody else would have known that Prince Noctis' advisor was suffering from a mental malady that could make him unfit for service.”

Noctis paled in shock. “But, they would...but _I_ would never-”

“True,” Ignis said cleanly, cutting him off. “You would never have allowed them to remove me. Which would have only made the optics all the worse.” He gave Noctis' hand another squeeze before summoning his kitchen knife from and set to chopping vegetables.

Silence fell between them for a minute as Noctis pondered this information. He heard the tent zip open and the other two tumble inside to enjoy some hard-earned rest before it would be time to eat. Ignis had lit the stove and greased the pot before Noctis finally spoke again.

“Thanks,” he said as he put a hand on Ignis' hip. “For hanging in there, for my sake.”

Ignis smiled again as he tossed some chopped meat into the pot to fry. “It was, quite literally, the least I could do. But you're very welcome.” He hummed lightly in response as Noctis leaned up to place a gentle kiss at his throat. “And I must admit, small things like that help immensely when it comes to shaking off the sadness.”

“Things like this?” Noctis purred back, grabbing Ignis' other hip and nipping softly at what he could reach of the advisor's neck.

The glint in Ignis' eye gave his answer away more than his spoken reply ever could. “Indeed.”

The smell of cooked meat and seasonings wafted upward at that moment, causing both of their stomachs to rumble in unison. Their eyes met and they laughed together, the tension from their ordeal in the nearby dungeon finally beginning to melt away.

Noctis gave the pot a meaningful look as he pulled away from Ignis. “That's gonna need to simmer a while, right?” He continued before Ignis had a chance to answer, the hint of mischief in his eyes. “Come join us in the tent when it does, we can see how much shaking we can get up to.”

~

The air that blew above Lestallum was cool and sharp, swirling from rooftop to rooftop before launching out across the rest of the world below. It spoke of dinnertime and firelight, and Ignis was fairly certain that this was when the sun would normally be setting.

That was, if they could only see it.

The descent into total darkness had been long and slow. Once Noctis had disappeared into the crystal, Ignis had nearly been expecting the world to fall dark immediately in response. Instead the sun had lingered as best as it was able, casting a dull light across the land whenever it was at its highest peak. Then the sky fully clouded over and the world had been cast into darkness.

Ignis kept track of passed time in the number of days since he'd last heard Noctis' voice. This particular evening marked day number three thousand, and Ignis had decided to spend it on the rooftop of the Leville. He'd had plenty of time to mull over his thoughts on his own recently, but for some reason it just felt right to be here.

When the door to the rooftop opened and shut behind him, Ignis only had to hear the first few footfalls to correctly guess his visitor. “Come to join me, Gladiolus?”

The larger man gave a soft snort in reply as he walked up and wrapped his arms around Ignis' waist. “Heard you were up here. Figured I'd join you.” He nosed lightly at Ignis' ear, knocking his glasses slightly askew. “Unless y'wanted to be alone...?”

Ignis considered this for the next few moments as he let his hands fall atop of Gladiolus' larger ones. “No, I don't believe so,” he said eventually. “Perhaps I did at first, but here and now...being with you settles my soul, if that makes any sense.”

Gladio grunted quietly by Ignis' ear. “Makes perfect sense. We've been so scattered, it doesn't feel right.” He turned his head slightly to look eastward, staring at the distant specks of light that dotted the horizon towards Leide. “Cindy and Prom have been out in Hammerhead for the last month, and I keep jumping all over the place, putting out fires.” He lifted his head to rest his chin on the top of Ignis' head, earning a displeased grunt from the other man. “Can't help but think we're all shaken by it, even after all this time.”

Humming his agreement, Ignis leaned back into the shield and attempted to let himself relax. Their lives had been anything but restful in the past eight years, even less so as every day brought more and more daemons do their doorstep. “The darkness certainly doesn't help,” he murmured more to himself than to Gladio.

The chin slid slowly from his head at that point, and he felt Gladio's lips press against his neck. “How are you holdin' up, Iggy?” Gladio's voice was rough and quiet, as if he was saying something forbidden yet utterly unavoidable. “You doin' alright?”

This time Ignis didn't need to consider his response. He raised one hand to reach up and cup Gladio's cheek gently. “I am quite alright, although you're sweet to ask.”

He could practically feel the heat radiating from Gladio's cheeks as the larger man tried to cover up his embarrassment at the compliment. “I just know, y'know...you used to have issues. Or something.”

“Mm, 'issues or something',” Ignis mused back at him with a hint of mischief in his voice. “It's true that I had something of the sort.” He turned to face Gladio at that point, brushing his thumb against his cheek as he appreciated the rough skin of his lover. “And I also had three very wonderful men to help me keep those 'issues' at bay, for which I will be eternally grateful.”

Pleased, Gladio grunted to himself and pulled Ignis closer against his chest. “You're something else, Iggy,” he said, his voice still low. “Dealing with all that shit, along with everything else we were going through.”

Scoffing lightly, Ignis leaned back into Gladio's arms. “Nonsense. I only did what I could to be as stable as anyone else.”

Gladio shifted his grip to settle the two of them down into a companionable seat on top of a nearby maintenance box. “You're not like everyone else, Iggy,” he said after another moment. His voice was firm and he looked at Ignis with a caring, but critical eye. “You're not like _anyone_ else.”

After a minute, Ignis laid his head against Gladio's shoulder and they sat that way for long while. If the sky had been clear, they would have been watching the sun set together, feeling the crisp breeze as it heralded the beginning of night. Instead the sky stayed as dark as it had been, with only the wind to indicate what time of day it might have been.

“I suppose you are correct,” Ignis finally said, his voice breaking the quiet that had surrounded them. “I _am_ special, as there's something in particular that sets me apart from everyone else, and it is the one thing that has seen me through these last eight years, through every bloody scrape and struggle.”

Gladio's arm snaked around to settle on Ignis' shoulder, and his voice betrayed a hint of amusement at the idea of Ignis accepting his full worth. “Yeah? What's that?”

One hand reached up to capture Gladio's as Ignis smiled at the darkness that lay before them.

“I know, for certain, that our sun will come home.”

 


End file.
